First Kills
by Aliendel
Summary: Despite Tsuna's intentions to change the Mafia and destroy the Vongola's Sin, some things are simply inevitable. The Underworld is a dark place and all of their hands will eventually be stained with blood... if they aren't already. Do not own KHR.
1. Gentle Mist

**First Kills - Gentle Mist**

Of all the guardians, his hands were those stained with the most blood. What's more, he had no regrets for the acts that had dyed them so.

His kills were acts of vengeance. He made the scientists that ruined his and so many others' lifes _pay_. If he laughed while doing so… Well, no one could deny that their deaths were not justified.

His kills were acts of hatred. Each life taken, a step closer in ridding the world of its darkest side. His goal was the eradication of the Mafia, and he took great joy in it.

His kills were acts of protection. There were few people that he felt were not simple waste of breathing air. If someone threatened the few he could actually tolerate, then they had amply deserved their fate.

His kills were acts of respect. He had not given the young Vongola his allegiance, far from it. He however, acknowledged the other's goal of changing the Mafia and his determination. If, in the rare cases that it happened, the Decimo thought someone needed to die, who was he to disagree?

_One_ kill, the first, was an act of mercy.

Before his escape, before Ken and Chikusa, before the forced trips to Hell, when he was just a terrified newly kidnapped kid in the Estrano's cells; he had had a friend.

A small and frail girl of 8, same as he. He does not remember her name or even what she looked like. Her smile, however, he can't forget.

When, at her desperate pleas, he wrapped his trembling hands around her neck, the grateful smile he caught through his eyes blurry with tears graved itself deep into his memory.

If years later he found another broken girl who smiled at him the same way, if he went to great lengths to save and protect her… _of_ _course_ it was completely unrelated.


	2. Broken Sky

**First Kills - Broken Sky**

He doesn't consider Byakuran to be his first kill.

Sure, he knows that in a future that will never be, the white haired tyrant lost his life by his hands. He definitely had nightmares about it, but in some way it didn't seem real. How could it when in this reality the marshmallows obsessed menace likes to pop in every other day just to annoy him?

So, he doesn't consider Byakuran to be his first kill. The problem is that other people _do_.

He realized years later that his family, especially Reborn, had watched him closely in the months following their return to the present. Only a few nightmares had probably not been the reaction they had expected but no one commented on it and they probably concluded that he was more okay with killing than he at first appeared.

_Wrong._

When he finally did kill his first person, an assassin that was after Lambo and I-Pin, he broke apart and it took a long time until someone put him back together. They simply didn't know they had to.

It was partly his fault, the shock made him numb and he followed his routine in a sort of unconscious daze. By the time he woke up, he realized that his family expected him to not care and go on as usual. He hated to disappoint them so he did…

…or tried to.

The dark rings under his eyes were because he had to deal with paperwork all night, not because of nightmares. His longer trips to the bathroom were simply attempts to steal a few moments of calm in his chaotic life. It was certainly not because he felt the need to be sick every time he recalled the vacant eyes of the dead assassin. His new habit of holding his hands behind his back was only the solution he had finally found to deal with two limbs he never quite knew what to do with. It wasn't to conceal the shaking, definitely not.

He was broken and he hid it… until he couldn't. Until he snapped and the masks he had constructed vanished to reveal his pitiful state. Until his Family realized that they had been wrong, horribly so.

And once passed the moment of shock, they were all there for him. They _did_ put him back together, but it was a slow and painful process.


	3. Cold Rain

**First Kills – Cold Rain**

At first, he really thought it was a game.

They were Japanese students, most of them not even fifteen. There were a few battles here and there, a lot of explosions and even more property damages, but these were their wild years. He never denied the crazy, only the Mafia part of it.

It didn't take long for him to realize the truth. By the time his ring trial came along, he was mostly convinced. His fight and what happened after were the last nails in the proverbial coffin.

He didn't tell them, he kept pretending it was all part of an elaborate game. Of all the guardians, he understood his role the most. If they were distracted by his act and if he could make light of a terrific situation then what loomed ahead did not seem so grim, if only for a short moment.

He understood his role, what he didn't get was why all their tutors and mentors kept calling him a natural born hitmen.

Sure, he knew his skills could be lethal, had a knack for finding his enemies' weaknesses and could be silent as a ghost if he wanted to. He was even prepared to do what was necessary when the time came. But so were the Mist, Cloud and Storm guardians.

He was seventeen when he realized what they meant. A mad bomber began to terrorize their city and made a building explode every couple of days.

They knew where he was, holed up in one of those huge block apartments. Problem? That monster had taken the others residents hostage. They couldn't charge inside in their usual fashion of all guns blazing. Needless to say, the police was useless.

So far there were no casualties, but it was only a question of time.

They would have found a way, they always did. But as the days passed with new explosions and no solutions, as dark rings appeared under his friends eyes, as Mama's smile became rarer and rarer only to disappear completely and as the streets got more and more deserted, he felt a strange cold settle inside his body.

One night, he took his sword and marched towards the block apartment. It was only when the man laid lifeless at his feet and his sword was bloodied in his hand that he had his epiphany.

He was a natural born hitman because of his emotional disconnection with his kills.

He wasn't a psychopath, he took no joy in death, but he could kill a man, clean his sword and go back to his family with a huge smile that wasn't fake without losing any sleep at night.

So that's what he did.

When the police found the body three days later, only Reborn gave him a knowing look.


	4. Haphazard Lightning

**Haphazard Lightning**

For those who had no knowledge of the Ten-Years Bazooka, his prowess and skills made little sense.

Despite being an absolute cry-baby and often resorting to lies and running away instead of facing his problems head on, he somehow always found himself in the middle of the mess his Family was in. Half because of self-preservation and half because of the personality's traits mentioned previously, the Bovino's invention saw _a lot_ of use in his childhood and early teens.

For those not in the know, he was only a child. A child who could suddenly turn a hopeless situation around and defeat opponents supposedly completely out of his league.

Needless to say most of the Mafia was terrified of him. Not as much as the cloud or mist guardians but close.

The 10th generation lightning guardian of the Vongola first official kills were three members off a hostile famiglia that had launched a surprise attack on Namimori.

He had been six years old.

Tsuna-nii spent the next two months looking at him with guilt filled and sad resigned eyes. For his older brother _sixteen_ was still too young.

Those eyes made a reappearance a few weeks after his thirteen birthday when he had to make a choice between blowing an enemy hitman up and seeing Mama die. The choice had been ridiculously easy.

The world at large mostly ignored the incident. It wasn't rare for the immediate family of a powerful Don to be targeted and his own death count was already in the double digits. Nothing really interesting enough to gossip about.

The 10th generation was definitely more concerned. Each of them hovering around him and making their worries know in their own way. Which had been definitely annoying because for all that he loved his family, they were obviously not ordinary nor was the way they expressed their concerns. For the most part such concerns took the form of violent spars destined to take his mind out of the problem.

Annoying and unnecessary… even if it was always nice to have proof of his family's love.

Although he did cry a lot following the incident, most of it was to reassure his Tsuna-nii and because even at thirteen he still was a bit of a cry-baby.

A small part was due to the kill itself and the shock associated with it. But it was only a small part. He would never admitted to his family, especially not his Sky, but that hadn't been his first kill or even the second one.

He was seven when he used the Ten-Years Bazooka to escape a, admittedly totally deserved, scolding. He came out in the middle of what seemed to be a war zone. A few confusing minutes later and a man was bleeding out in front of him. The memories were a bit jumbled, but he knew he was the one responsible.

When he came back to his present, the one he sought for comfort wasn't his older brother, but I-pin, his best friend despite their not so friendly rivalry. She in turned went to her sifu for advice and a few months later, the man he had killed in the future would never be a problem anymore.

That situation repeated itself a few times over the course of the following years.

Despite the future changing, the blood remained on his hands. Maybe it was his nature as a Bovino, but he couldn't really brush off the effects of the Ten-Years Bazooka like some others could.

No one suspected anything if he cried a little than usual or shouted a little louder sometimes. He wasn't as bloodthirsty as Mukuro-nii or Kyouya-nii, but he wasn't also as compassionate as Tsuna-nii. The deaths took their toll, but he eventually got used to it.

By the time he was thirteen, they only shocked him a little.

But that was a secret that aside for Fon and I-pin, he would take to his grave.


End file.
